Borderland

BORDERLAND

 

Since when has Rider Strong been considered a working horror star? And who decided it? Yes, I know Eli Roth put him in the so-oddly-bad-it-must-have-a-point “Cabin Fever,” but a lot of unknown cats were in that, and Cerina Vincent is much easier on the eyes.

In any event, I actually heard people say, “Oh yes, that’s the film with Rider Strong in it!” As if that was some sort of incentive to see it, like saying, “That features Matt Bass, right?” Is it because of “Boy Meets World?” And whatever happened to the boy that met the world? Rider was just his sidekick.

Rider doesn’t seem to be able to act. He isn’t very fit. He’s not very attractive, not even in that cute way. If anything, he reeks of, I used to be cute and Hollywood used me up, now I’m an average looking adult with a fucked up history.

Anyway, I just find it odd that the two seemingly “working” (to use the term loosely) actors give the worst performances here. Boy Meets Word’s friend and Rudy (Sean Astin).  The rest of the performances are pretty good.

Which is too bad, because this film is basically muck. Sure, it starts out all right. Kids decide to go to Mexico. Of course there is a ritualistic clan that nobody knows much about except for one alcoholic Mexican cop (unless all Mexican cops are like that). And not even a Bruce Willis ex cop type, but the type that you know won’t be able to do much. So they go out. They meet chicks. They do drugs. Boy Meets World gets kidnapped and Rudy is forced to watch him. Yes, Rudy is bad. We liked him when he tried so hard to make a team without talent. It’s strange that we don’t root for him in the same way when he tries to be in a movie without any acting talent.

I wanted to like this flick. The poster is creepy. It has an interesting “reality horror” premise (the world is a sick place), but it is too quick to travel into “Hostel” territory, and a film that’s made for gore…well, leave it to Michael Haneke to make an even more perverse film in order to comment on how he doesn’t approve. Me, for my part, I’ll just say that I hope the filmmakers involved enjoyed the first half more. Next time around, they should make a whole movie

.Cerina Vincent at event of Tangy Guacamole

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